Blueletterbible.org

I got this off their website; really good stuff from Charles Spurgeon:

"If they do these things in a green tree, what shall be done in the dry?" — Luke 23:31

Among other interpretations of this suggestive question, the following is full of teaching: "If the innocent substitute for sinners, suffer thus, what will be done when the sinner himself --the dry tree--shall fall into the hands of an angry God?" When God saw Jesus in the sinner's place, He did not spare Him; and when He finds the unregenerate without Christ, He will not spare them. O sinner, Jesus was led away by His enemies: so shall you be dragged away by fiends to the place appointed for you. Jesus was deserted of God; and if He, who was only imputedly a sinner, was deserted, how much more shall you be? "Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?" what an awful shriek! But what shall be your cry when you shall say, "O God! O God! why hast Thou forsaken me?" and the answer shall come back, "Because ye have set at nought all My counsel, and would none of My reproof: I also will laugh at your calamity; I will mock when your fear cometh." If God spared not His own Son, how much less will He spare you! What whips of burning wire will be yours when conscience shall smite you with all its terrors. Ye richest, ye merriest, ye most self-righteous sinners--who would stand in your place when God shall say, "Awake, O sword, against the man that rejected Me; smite him, and let him feel the smart for ever"? Jesus was spit upon: sinner, what shame will be yours! We cannot sum up in one word all the mass of sorrows which met upon the head of Jesus who died for us, therefore it is impossible for us to tell you what streams, what oceans of grief must roll over your spirit if you die as you now are. You may die so, you may die now. By the agonies of Christ, by His wounds and by His blood, do not bring upon yourselves the wrath to come! Trust in the Son of God, and you shall never die.

Hip, Hip...HORRAY!

I had an MRI last Monday and then a follow-up with the Cyberknife dock on Thursday with GREAT news!! My brain is healing nicely and there is NO MORE TUMOR. Radiation will not be required; scans for rest of my life will be but that's ok by me. This was really a great bit of news as i now feel like i can hit the play button on life again. Everything has been on pause pretty much since last August when i was first diagnosed. Nothing has been planned until we found out about radiation and now that we know treatment is done it's pretty stinkin exciting! I don't have to wait until after radiation because I'm not having it!! Such a relief and blessing to be done--at least until I have another surgery ;)

Headaches:Take 2

That's right...here we go again. I've been having regular headaches pretty much every day for the last month. I'm back on the allergy meds and hopefully will be able to determine if they work since I don't have a nut sized tumor shoving things around. So the roller coaster has started once again and who knows what the results will be this time. I'm praying for the simplest solution (allergies) but at the same time know that not all the tumor has been removed and so it could be more complicated. Next MRI is the beginning of March and I hope that things are healed enough and the scan is clear enough for some definitive decisions to be made about the next step in treatment. The frustration level is pretty high at the moment as well as disbelief. I mean, seriously...headaches...again. In the the famous words of Charlie Brown "Good grief."

Learning one's limits

I learned an important lesson yesterday about what I can and can not do. For Christmas, Quinn got a Ripstick. it's a two-wheeled in-line skateboard that swivels in the middle so it can be kept in perpetual motion. Brad had to go help set up at the school for church and so we went with him to get out of the house and let the kids ride their wheeled vehicles (I should have stuck with Liam's scooter)

So Quinn makes this ripstick thing look easy. He's really good at it and so I decided to give it a try. His helmet was too small for me so i, foolishly, thought "Well if i lose my balance I'll just be able to jump off; no problem." Yeah, big problem. So I get going, am on this thing for a split second and next thing I know I'm on the ground with my butt bruised, my elbow on fire and my glasses half way across the parking lot cause they flew off my head when I hit pavement. I'm lying on the ground calling myself all kinds of idiot names when this sweet high school kid with first aid training rushes up to check on me. The boys have disappeared and I'm just hoping I haven't broken anything (I landed on my phone but it survived); I found out later from Brad that they had gone inside to get him. Here's how that conversation went: "Hey Dad we might have to call EMS" Dad: "Why would we need to do that?" Kids:"Well come here and we'll show you. Come here Dad" So Brad sees me on the ground and is all "What is she doing on the ground?" So he comes outside and I have to relay the the whole Ripstick incident. not once did the boys mention I'd fallen or smacked my head. Nice to know they can remain calm in a situation like that and thank goodness it wasn't more serious. So today I have the sore muscles and gross looking scrape to remind me that no matter how young I think I am my body is happy to remind me that I'm not.

Umm...wow

It's been more then a month since I've posted anything; that is really kind of pathetic. I follow other people's blogs regularly but can't even keep up with mine. In my defense it's much easier to read than write :) So what's going on here? Well firstly there has been no radiation yet. Good or bad? I can't quite decide. The last scan I had (mid-December) showed some "areas to watch" but no definitive tumor tissue. This can mean one of two things: 1)the docs got more of the tumor then they thought and the tumor is gone (not likely, but here's hoping) 2) the tumor is too small right now for the MRI to pick it up (and my brain still hasn't quite healed enough) and so we have to wait and let the tumor grow some more--sounds like fun there let me tell you. So in March I will go for another scan to see what we can see. I feel like a broken record..scan, meet with the doc, scan, meet with the doc, scan...

P. T. is still ongoing as well. I think I'll ask today how much longer I have. I'm surprised by two things 1) how much and how quickly it has improved my stamina and 2) how much of a weakling I still am. I realize surgery was really not that long ago, only 3 months, and yet it feels like I should still be able to do more then I can. I still have those unknown limits that I talked about in other post but fortunately the limits keep getting better.

Since it's New year's Eve I'll go ahead and wish everyone a Happy New Year. I'll try to be better about posting int he coming year. Anyone have any resolutions? My mom's is the same every year and one I can get behind "Try to eat more avocados this year then last".

Time for an update of sorts

Physical therapy is a pain--literally. I have one GREAT hour after it where all the endorphins have kicked in and caffeine from the coffee I get after and it ROCKS! That is the way I wish i left all the time, but the crash inevitabley occurs and I feel worse then before and really sore the next day. I'm hoping eventually this tortuous cycle will lead to actually feeling great and if nothing else my abs are getting nice and tight--six pack here I come! Ok maybe maybe a four pack.
No radiation yet. My brain has not healed enough for them to accurately say whether the big white spot on the MRI is tumor or scar tissue. Fortunately, the doc doing my radiation also assisted on my surgery so he KNOWS there is tumor tissue there they just need a clearer picture for the "ray gun". That means another MRI in December. I really hope the next pic is clear enough to see what we need to see so everything can get done before the new year and we have to start of with deductibles and all that fun stuff.
Speaking of pics...I posted a new one to facebook. I have some hair now and the incision looks more like your typical scar now. It also doesn't look quite as big since my hair is getting longer. though when you look at it from the front i have this lovely little part in the middle of my head--I've been calling it my no-hawk. It's also been called a reverse mohawk, a runway, and a landing strip...where do people come up with these things :)
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=74040&l=403a7&id=696305902

"Ray Gun" Radiation

Today I had an MRI in preparation for radiation treatment on the remainder of the tumor--and am thanking God that I did not blow myself up. Undergarments with wire and giant magnetic machines don't normally go together but i had no problems. I follow-up Wednesday with the Cyber-knife doc about my treatment plan. So you're probably completely confused by now since I haven't posted recently about well...much of anything :) The Cyber-knife is a directed radiation tool used on tumors--think laser but the beam is radiation and not light. This is REALLY exciting because it means I will probably not be having blanket radiation (i have no idea if this is the proper terminology but it's my blog so :P ) It means no burns on my head, no hair loss, no dental complications, etc... The only complication/side effect is fatigue and I'm a champion sleeper so I can handle that one. I can not even begin to tell you how good this news is for us. I'll have a dead tumor with minimal side-effects, very slim regrowth chance, and it could take as little as an hour for the procedure. I'll even be able to drive myself home. What a blessing to live in a time and a country where modern medical technology makes it easier for good health to be regained!

I've also started physical therapy. I was having neck and shoulder pain along with the headaches before surgery and am now having lower back pain. Let me just say physical therapists are mean, mean mean! Nothing personal of course, I just find it counter intuitive that in order to get rid of pain you have to experience more pain. Anyone else see a problem with this?! I have about one month's worth of therapy for now and then we'll see after completing this round where things stand. I'm hoping all this stretching and stuff I'm having to do will add an inch or two to my height.