Way over due

So I am way over due for an update and hope I can get it all down-err up?-before my body tells me to stop. Thank goodness for spell check or this thing would look really ugly. So here we go:

Health-As with each topic I'm going to update there will probably be some good and some bad. Let's start with the bad news and get it over with--I'm having headaches. i don't say still because these are different from the ones before. I'm also having some severe muscle cramping/seizing in my neck, upper back, and upper right arm as well as pain in the lower back. It makes sitting for extended periods of time a little difficult. I had ANOTHER CT scan today to find out if it's a head problem and I also start physical therapy next week for my back and neck to see if it's a muscle problem. I also will FINALLY meet with a doctor about radiation treatment on Thursday of next week. There is a small possibility I won't have to have radiation but we are not counting on that. I am still not able to comfortably bend over or look down (at least for very long) which leads to a bigger complaint down the page.

Good news is that energy wise I'm feeling better. I still don't know what my physical limits are until I've passed them but my limits are getting longer. There is also an amazing group of women who have arranged for me to have help with housework once every other week until the end of the year. This has been such a blessing as it has taken pressure off both me and Brad in regards to all the housework; my frustration at not being more capable, and his at having to do so much in addition to work.

Finances: Bills have started coming in and so far have not been bad in relation to the kind of surgery. There have been a couple hiccups with insurance denying a few claims but after calling they are supposedly going to be taken care of. Insurance just needs to refile the claim. The relative ease of the finance aspect has been a big time stress reliever.

Spiritual: Brad will have to speak for himself, but for me I'm very frustrated with my inability to interactively study. I can listen to bible verses/chapters on line but that generally ends up putting me to sleep (as do Piper sermons--he has a very soothing voice). NOT that any of them are boring or uninteresting, I just need to be able to read and respond (ie journal) to feel like I'm really getting it. Praise music has been a great ministry to me (as it always is cause music is the best) as has the extra praying but I am a big reader and so miss that a lot. Emotionally there are still ups and downs. I'm definitely more up when I'm able to get out and be around other people--who knew how important community was, and this is really funny coming from me cause I'm an introvert--and lower when I have to spend extended periods of time at home with limited distractions and no hobbies available.

Right now, overall, I'm feeling pretty good. I'm signed up for the women's retreat next weekend and am sooooo looking forward to it. I hope it will be a good charge for the batteries before heading in to radiation.

I also can not begin to express the gratitude we have for all the prayers, meals, party throwing, house cleaning, kid watching and driving offers that have come from everyone. I HATE to feel like a burden and we have been served so joyfully that it has made it easier to ask for help when we really need it; it doesn't mean I LIKE to ask for help (hate it as a matter of fact) but it's getting easier for me to ask which is progress, and that's a good thing :)

Lactose free Goodness

I can have my cake and eat it too! Well...milk and yogurt anyway. I have "discovered" the BEST milk. Most lactose-free milk is REALLY sweet and kinda gross (this goes for soy milk too) but HEBs Mootopia milk actually tastes like milk. Imagine that! And goat's milk yogurt actually tastes like yogurt (tried a coconut milk version and I was not a big fan) Next on the list....find a good ice cream. I know there's gelato but I haven't seen it in a freezer section to bring home :)

Birthday Woes/Me Me Me

So not only am I a bad blogger-- today I am feeling like a bad mother (and wife but more on that later). Tomorrow is Liam's birthday and I have nothing planned. He has been talking about a party for months (we tried to talk him into laser tag at blazer laser but he insists on a party) and I have no idea what it's going to look like or how to get a few of his friends here, since it's a little late for invitations, or even if I can handle a party. I know Brad will help but it's been a rough week for him ( this is the wife part). He's pretty much been dealing with the kids, and housework since my mom left and has surpassed his level of patience. I feel horrible not being able to do more to help him and completely frustrated and annoyed with this stupid body. Not only that I'm just tired of being me; tired of talking about me (and that sounds bad because i know people are asking out of genuine concern so we can add guilt to the list of bad feelings); and I'm annoyed that I can't seem to take the focus off me and onto God and what He is doing. and frustrated that I can't see it. That's it. I'm done. If I keep going it's going to keep being about my frustrations and me.

Bad Blogger

So I DID mention in another post that I'm a horrible blogger? In this case I will blame Brad since my computer time is limited :)
It's been a while since we did an update so here goes:
Four weeks out from surgery--My mom left yesterday. I am slightly panicked by the thought of having to do everything she was doing and surviving (hello melodrama). Not only was she doing ALL the housework she was also taking the kids too and from school each day--this is the part that is the most scary as my body still hates me and will require 2 trips up and down the evil stairs--Brad is going to take them to school so that will help A BUNCH. We've (mom and I) been trying to get me out of the house and doing stuff as much as possible the end of last (or this week--I always get confused how to state that) and it made me realize just how far I have to go to be back up to full energy. Who knew surgery on my head would have such a total effect on my body?
I not yet met with the oncologist about radiation. It was not specify who I was going to be referred to so that had to be confirmed with the brain man before an appointment was scheduled. So I will probably be calling again on Monday to find out what the status is on all that. However I am NOT looking forward to it. Hoping to be a more informed patient I went and looked at side effects for the radiation here is some of the fun I might have to look forward to ( most of this is localized to the treatment area)

• Skin problems: redness, dryness, etc.. and DON'T EXPOSE THE AREA TO THE SUN FOR 1 YEAR AFTER TREATMENT ( How's a body supposed to swim?)
• Redness and irritation to the mouth/dental issues (there's a big old list of dos and do nots for food and drinks on this one--having to forgo coffee is a tear-jerker)
• change in skin texture
• eating and digestive problems (cause i haven't had enough of those...lol)
• nausea and lack of appetite (liquid diet here I come)
• hair loss--no biggie there BUT it may come back thinner and a different texture (PLEASE NOT CURLY)
• Fatigue
• tumor in area being treated (rare, and ironic too)

So that's a few of the side effects. As irritated as I've been about recovery I hope I'll be too fatigued to care about any of the other stuff if it happens. :) honestly, I guess I'm just more resigned to the fact that there is more refining to be done both individually and as a family. I keep clinging thightly that there is a purpose for all of it, that good has and will come out of it--it doesn't I like it.